About a year ago.

It's crazy to think that a year ago today I was busy cleaning, sorting, packing, and repairing our house to get put on the market.

Crazy to think back to that day Dave came to talk to me and said that yet another job fell through. Crazy to think that I was the one who said "well, maybe we need to just go to Alberta."

There were so many emotions. Excitement for a new adventure. Doubt of making the right decision. Sadness to leave the only area I've known for my entire life and our family behind.

I'm not going to lie and say it's been all unicorns and rainbows since we've moved here. We have had a few tough times where we almost threw in the towel. But, we've come out the other side stronger, and we will just keep getting stronger.

And that is all the sappy I'm going to get into tonight.

This month.

I am a pretty tough cookie. I can put up with a lot of crap. I can turn my back and let the shat bounce off my back. I can remain calm during temper tantrums and sass.

I am also extremely thankful to my husband for having the strength to work away from home to provide us things, food, housing, etc.

This is not a post about him not being here. It's about doing my best while he's gone.

Last year as some of you faithful readers may have read last month I finally went to the dr about my depression. Before that, there were definite bad days with Austin and me feeling like crap and I was full of resentment and anger. I would be mad at him for no reason. Then I started taking my meds, my husband was home working and everything seemed fine.

Then he couldn't get a job. We made the decision to move to Alberta. He would go and I would stay, sell the house, tie up the loose ends, try to stay in one piece.

Let me tell you, I was terrified. I was so worried that I would have those bad days again, take it out on Austin, and Dave wouldn't be there to stop me. I didn't realize just how bad I was until I went on my meds and I decided I didn't want to be like that again. With Dave leaving I was afraid. I started to tell family, reaching out for help. Family knowing that if I called in a panic it was ok, I just needed help.

Thankfully, it was ok. We fell into a routine of getting out of the house every day to stop me from going insane. Even if we only got out for an hour, we were out of the house. I was getting better, and even though there were a few sad days thinking ahead to not being around my friends and family, everything was ok. I was more patient with Austin. (Note I'm not saying completely patient, he was almost 2, there are some days you just want to pull your hair out)

Then we moved. I had a plan. I had joined a meetup group. I was going to get out everyday and just try to pass the days until Dave was home again. No problem. Until Dave got laid off. He was home for 2 1/2 months.

He was helping me for 2 1/2 months. cooking, cleaning, sanity saving. When he had a job for the one week I will admit, I was kind of a mess. There were a few days I just brought toys into our bedroom between meals and just laid in bed sad while Austin played on the floor. Dishes piled up. everything was a mess. When Dave did come home, I could tell he was upset with me.

When Dave got another job, I was worried. I didn't want Austin to miss out on fun and getting out of the house. I was worried because for 2 1/2 months I didn't have to do everything on my own. I had help. But now I was all alone again.

Let me tell you. It's been all right. We've been doing amazing. We've had days of lounge around in pj's all day, but we've been playing and tickling and racing cars while in our pj's. Dave gets home tomorrow night. He has been gone for a month. It doesn't seem like a month. We've been doing mall walking at random malls, taking random driving trips around Edmonton, and going to indoor play places.

We have been a-ok and I think I've been pretty good with Austin. Only getting really mad when the situation warrants it (hello sharpie on the cupboards)and showering him with lots of kisses, cuddles and tickles. There is lots of laughter in this house and I can't even begin to tell you just how amazing it is to hear his non stop giggles mixed in with him telling his stories.

We are awesome and tomorrow night my amazing and wonderful husband will be home for 4 days of fun and laughter and joy. Joy in our awesome little family. Joy in knowing the future won't always be as hard as it's been but we're way better off after getting through the tough times together.

The weekend!

Here are our plans for the weekend. Tonight mom gets in at 6:53 now (flight was delayed from 6:07) and we are headed for dinner. We're going to hit up Bourbon street at the West Edmonton mall. I figure I will let mom choose where we have dinner. Then a very exciting tripto walmart to get diapers since they are on sale today. (and I only have about 4 left)

Today I went to the mall and picked us up passes. On the weekends it's $36 per person for the water park, $36 per person for a pass to the amusement park, more for the sea lion show, etc etc. The mall happens to have their family pack of 3 month passes on sale. It works out to $56 per person if you buy a 3 month pass. So, I went today and got a pass. Since Austin is under 3 he is free for almost everything. I got myself and Dave a pass, a pass for my mom, and our friend Lindsay said she would buy the 4th pass. Now, me and Austin can go to the mall and do any attraction for free!! (since this weekend will more then pay for the pass) we could go every day if we want. In one day we can get a pass to the water park, the amusement park (except the play are, just the rides) a round of mini golf at professor wem's golf, a round of mini golf at the other mini golf place, 2 games of bowling and shoe rental, billiards (over 18), the sea lion show, passes to sea live cavern (the aquarium) and a ride on the bumper boats if you're over 3. That's a whole freaking lot to do every day!! I think I know where Austin and I will be living for the next 3 months. Even if we do only one thing a day that's still enough to entertain us for the next 3 months.

Wow, kind of got off topic there! Haha! So Saturday we are headed to the mall. We're goingto do whatever we want since we have the passes.

Sunday we are going to do the drive to Jasper. It's supposed to be 0 degrees, which for feb is pretty nice, so we're going to go and enjoy ourselves and check out some mountains.

Monday morning we are going to head back to the mall and do more if we want until it's time to take mom back to the airport :(

I'm sure at the end of this weekend I will have lots of pictures! Hope everyone has a great weekend, enjoy family day if you have it!

Just for you mom.

Now everyone can be as excited as us.


Not long now until my mom gets here!!!

Busy week, fun weekend

I've got a busy week ahead of me this week. It's because of this person right here:



My Mommy!!!!! She's coming to see me for a weekend! Her plane gets in on Friday night and I am excited! We have a jam packed weekend planned with some awesome fun, I'm sure of it.

However, as any kid knows, this means making sure everything is spotless. I have plans to wash our kitchen floor (!?!?!?!?!) and make my house all pretty. Maybe even pick up some flowers to put out.

Only 3 more days and I can't freaking wait!!!

Alberta drivers part 2

Not sure if anyone remembers my last post about alberta drivers, but here is post number 2. Again, I will apologize to those Albertans who don't drive like douchebags, but this is what I notice on a whole.

First, the parking is Starting to not get on my nerves.... AS MUCH. Lol. Some people still amaze me. I am a crazy anal straight Parker. It will annoy me the whole time I am out of the car if I'm parked crooked. It boggles my mind that people can park so crooked and be fine with it.

Then there is the speed thing. Out of 100% I would say 25% of the drivers are speedy demons who zoom in and out of traffic. ( apparently they aren't afraid of photo radar tickets) 25% of people go the speed limit or a smidgen over. Then there's the other 50%. They dont even come close to doing the speed limit. The speed limit on hwy 16 is 110. I do 100 or 105 and I am passing people like I am speeding! I just don't get it! In Ontario if you aren't doing at least 105 onthe 401 people are riding your bumper and flipping you the bird. Crazy.

Then, there is the writing. This is actually a funny because cars here get really dirty. Salt isn't used on the roads to prevent slipping. Dirt and rocks are. So cars it seems are always dirty. Today while driving to our dr appt I saw a car with f$&* u written in the dirt. The driver obviously tried to make it seem like it wasn't written there, but you could still tell. Not going to lie, it made me giggle. The other night driving home I saw written onthe back of a dirty pick up truck "I wish my wife were this dirty" I really wish I got a picture of that, it definitely made my night. Haha. Oh haha. I keep giggling to myself here. I wonder if the guys wife ever saw that. Lol

Now, learning to drive it was drilled into my head, if you are onthe highway and coming up to an on-ramp with a car trying to get on, move into the next lane so they can get on. To those who started driving in Alberta, were you not told this??? I can't even begin to tell you how many times jerk drivers have stayed in the lane despite no one being beside them. And the on-ramps here seem to be much shorter in dome areas. I hate those drivers. Ugh. Hate.

I'm sure I will have way more vents about drivers in the future, but for now I'm good. Haha.

A bit of insight to me

How to start this post... I've been sitting here trying to figure out how to start this. I've been wanting to write this and get it out for a while. I guess the best way to start is...

My name is Kristin, and I've been dealing with depression. I really don't think that it is Post Partum Depression, even though I finally got to my breaking point where I got myself help after having Austin. I'm pretty sure I've been fighting the internal battle for years. While packing up our house I came across my diary from back in College. There were some things I wrote in there that I was feeling before I went to my dr. It was then that I realized that I have been fighting with Depression for years.

I have been doing much better, suprisingly much better then I expected. I honestly thought that this move to Alberta would have affected me much more. I have been feeling ok. I've been trying to take my medications every day, but honestly I haven't been remembering. I've still been ok.... Mostly. One day last week kicked my ass. I felt very down and didn't have any oomph or fight in me. Austin was lacking a nap and was cranky and I got really upset with him. He didn't do it on purpose but I felt like he was being cranky to get to me. I yelled, and to be honest, I wasn't proud. I told my husband and cried. I felt like a giant jerk. Thankfully those days have been further and further apart since starting my medication but that doesn't make it any easier when they do happen. I just want to crawl into bed and avoid everyone because I know that I get upset and say things I don't mean. But I soldier on.

Through all of this though have been 2 major people of support. My husband Dave and my friend Devon. When I would get frustrated and upset and told Devon about my feelings she was the one who talked to me about Depression and pushed me to talk to my dr. She was there for me every step of the way. She also knew that I was pretty likely to back out of my appt so she drove me (and bribed me with ice cream after :p) and made sure I was ok with everything. With my husband being gone I did turn to Devon quite a bit and she helped me a lot. More then I could even begin to explain.

My husband has been amazing as well. There have been so many times before and when I was first starting my medication that I would just fall apart and cry. My husband would sit beside me on the floor giving me kleenex and just be there. I would be a bubbling random "I don't know why i'm crying" mess and he would just sit and be there for me. I knew that we wouldn't be able to live apart anymore. He is a huge support for me and him not being there and me being alone with Austin was just too much for me. With him being gone for the past 16 months we definately had some issues that caused strain on our marriage. I knew we couldn't continue like that.

It definitely is a shock being in a new province, city, and even house without any friends, family or the other half of my support system but this is what needed to be done. It's also been great to have my husband here with me for the past few months, but on the other hand it's very stressful to be worrying about jobs and money. I don't even want to get into the stress from this house. My big 'dream' when planning our move was being able to re-decorate. My house is Taupe. A light taupe and a slightly darker taupe. I am itching to paint and decorate. But I can't. We pretty much need to take all the walls down to re-insulate. I have frost and ice on the INSIDE of my bedroom wall. Our roof leaked this week so the extension needs to be re-roofed, and hey, while we're at it we may as well put some heat in there, because that's right. there is none. No vents, nothing. So... no re-decorating for me until the warmer weather is here and we have some money.

Most of this post has been written bit by bit. I will admit that now I am starting to get worse. I am crying more for no reason, and I have also been making sure to take my pills everyday. I am worried and stressed. I'm not working and as much as I would love to get a job (believe me, I've been applying) I can't just go and apply at the local fast food restaurant. With Dave home that is fine, I can work whatever. But what happens if he gets a camp job and is gone for a few months? We don't have anyone here who can watch Austin during the evenings or on weekends when daycares are closed. Not too many places want to hire someone with such limited availability. As it is he is gone to Fort Mac for work. If I was working and had to work this weekend, where would I be? It was stressful enough to arrange care for Austin with 3 sets of parents and many willing family members close by. Not having anyone here, well, I really don't think I could do it.

I just need to focus on the bright side of things and know that I have people who love and care for me. I have a roof over my head and a furnace that graciously runs non stop to keep us from freezing to death in our house. (I won't say keeps the house hot, because most days you need a sweater in here.) I have the most adorable little boy who is a little mischief maker but melts your heart and makes you giggle while he's at it. I have my husband who knows when to give me my space and just listen to me cry, or let me yell and be cranky at him. I just need to remember all these things and try to keep my head above the water. I'm hoping anyone who reads this will help me remember that.

My name is Kristin and I am dealing with depression. I am trying to kick it's ass before it kicks mine. Thanks for listening.

Well, I'm lazy.

I guess that's the best way to explain it. And in case you're confused, I'm talking about building furniture. haha. I love to build something and be like "see that? I built the shit out of that!" I'm especially proud of our entertainment unit. I built it my self. When it gets moved... it doesn't wobble. It's awesome. Especially considering it's from Ikea. Before I bought it I was warned that Ikea furniture is a pain to assemble. I owned that entertainment centre. It rocked.

So today we went to Ikea and got Austin 2 more shelves similar to our entertainment unit. It was so much harder to assemble it!!! Either way, I conquered those shelved. One thing I did realize though was that as much as I love to assemble furniture. I'm lazy. Usually you go around the item to assemble, gather the appropriate tools, and go through the instructions. Ikea instructions... well I laugh at them. (more on that below...) So here I am assembling Austin's shelves. I sit on the ground and I move the shelf around me. I couldn't get the dowels in. Instead of getting an appropriate tool.... I used my husband's shoe. haha! It was then that I realized I'm kind of lazy when I assemble furniture.

So, the Ikea instructions... I laugh. It's the Ikea man. Especially on items that require more then one person. The Ikea man is sad. Not that he shouldn't do it on his own. To me this picture says

I am mr Ikea, I don't have any friends. Why won't those two over there let me play???

This one? Mr Ikea is upset that he doesn't have a carpet to work on. :( The other mr Ikea is mocking him, or well, doing something inappropriate to his shelving unit....

I love the Mr Ikea man. I made my husband dig the instructions out of the garbage so I could post this.. haha.

Hope everyone is having a great day. We're off to pick up my In Laws (and my little boy!!!) from the airport.

Day 2 of the trip (a little late)

We were all checked out of the hotel and on the road by 8am. Hit up tim horton’s, then we were on our way. Set the GPS and drove… until we realized the gps was trying to take us over into the US. Not going to lie, there was a bit of my husband not listening to what I have to say (because he never does and yet 99% of the time I’m the right one.) and being stubborn. Eventually we got out way back to Hwy 17 and got moving.

I would say 20 minutes out of Sault Ste Marie we lost connection on our cell phones. (rogers) thankfully dave has a Bell phone for work because he can’t get service while at work with his rogers phone so we had bell service for a short time. I kept trying to get online with the internet stick, but it was either very little or no service. A lot of rock cliffs lining the roads so there isn’t much for signal.

There are a lot of beware of moose signs. I’ve yet to see one. I don’t know if I should be afraid to come across one or excited. Haha! In the very high moose risk areas they have sensors set up on the side of the road and if a moose triggers it then the yellow light they have on some of the signs start to flash. I think that’s kind of cool. So, here we are, in a high moose area and of course I have to get a picture of the magnet on the sign (well, me holding it on the sign since the sign is aluminum) Dave pulls off to the side and I walk back to the sign. Halfway to the sign the thought hits me that this may not have been the smartest idea I’ve ever had. If a moose were to come out of the bush I might have shit my pants. However, I survived without a moose encounter. Yay!

So 9:33 this morning is when we hit the wet gross snow. Yuck. Although at some points made a really nice view of the trees with snow on them. Thankfully it wasn’t sticking to the ground and the road was just a little wet. There were lots of hills up and down so it would have really sucked had the roads turned bad.

Hwy 17 went through Lake superior Provincial Park so we stopped at the scenic lookout they had there. However due to the crappy snow there wasn’t much of scene to look at but I got a pic of us anyways…. Dave peed on a rock. Haha! I almost left before remembering the support for Ashley magnet. I stuck it on the side of the garbage pail since it was the only metal I could find there. I wonder how long it will stay for. Hmmmm..

Saw a lot of little lakes and creeks. Sadly we didn’t stop at old woman’s bay like planned. The sign said closed so we didn’t bother slowing down then it was open after all. Really sad, but oh well, I’m sure we’ll do this drive again sometime.Our next stop was for gas just as we got into Wawa, ON. I had to pee something fierce. Lol. Since then we’ve been driving….

My husband has his blue jays tape on again. In case you didn’t notice on my Twitter last night we were listening to the blue jays music tape his dad found and sent with us (we have a tape player in the truck) This is the most ridiculous tape ever. It cracks my shit up. It’s all remakes of songs with words that pertain to the blue jays (circa 1991-1993) Right now we’re listening to Help us Mookie, the remake of Help me Rhonda by the beach boys. Can’t forget the blue jay rap. To which my husband sings along to. We’ve had the when the moon hits your eye (like a pizza pie) song with Blue Jays lyrics, Boy named Sue (johnny Cash) remake, a song that pretty much just lists all the teams in one breath….and who can forget Jay-o, the remake of Day-O. Apparently this was Dave and his sibling’s favorite tape ever and used to fight over it. The excitement he has on his face when he sings the songs is funny, and even better when he plays air banjo along with it. That’s it’s own kind of awesomeness there!

Sunday

We had a glorious late start to the day. I slept like a log and it was so nice to sleep in. We hauled our butts out of bed around 7:30am (8:30am our old time zone) and got on the road.

While I was in Tim Horton's getting breakfast Dave was in the truck and decided to fix the fuse we blew yesterday by using the eliminator plug adapter. Thankfully we have two lighter plugs in the truck so we were able to work with the second plug. So, Dave gets the plug working and we get on our way. We forgot to plug in our camera battery last night so the first picture of the day showed us low battery. I put the eliminator in the plug.... bam. there goes the fuse again. Something must have happened yesterday to the eliminator when we had the laptop plugged in that now causes the fuses to blow. Me, thinking that maybe the fuse wasn't actually fixed, tried the still working plug. Bam, there goes that fuse too. Thankfully, we still had one other fuse to fix one of the plugs. We needed at least one because the GPS wouldn't last all the way through the day. Off to the side of the road we go, Dave works his handiwork and off we go again.

Finally we got to Manitoba. I was so very excited to be able to say we were out of Ontario. Honestly, there wasn't too much for excitement. I napped through Winnipeg. We stopped and got gas, got Dairy Queen, Gas, Bathroom, oh and then Saskatchewan. I will say the drive is beautiful, however going across Saskatchewan I got a bit of 'truck' cabin fever. I took pictures. I took more pictures. I played on my ipod until it died. I read a scrapbook magazine I bought at a gas station. I annoyed Dave. I attempted to sing. (my voice still isn't perfect, but way better then the lack of voice I had last week) I made Dave stop for random things. (pics to come)

Needless to say I was very happy when we finally stopped for the night. Originally we were going to drive all the way through to our house today. I am soooo glad we didn't. We decided to stop and actually have a sit down meal, all of ours so far have been in the truck. We had a great dinner, then a wonderful hot bath in our jaccuzzi tub. Dave fell asleep, I've been up on the laptop trying to get offline. haha!

I have done a quick update at the traveling scarf blog, so go check it out! (http://thetravelingscarf.blogspot.com)

The day has come

Good morning blog readers. I am up bright and early. Wanted to say goodbye to my step dad before he heads off to work, and well, I'm still up. Plus, I spend the last few hours... ok, I've spent all the hours since attempting to go to bed tossing and turning. At least I can sleep in the car.

Today is the big day, all our stuff is packed and ready to go. Truck is in tip top shape and the In Laws car is cleaned out and ready to be returned. For the past few months, I've had this song stuck in my head.




The song is for a different reason then mine, but still. I'm Alberta Bound. Crazy. Every time I think about it I sing this song (maybe because it's the only song I know with Alberta in it?? haha!)

Still, I wonder what it will be like. Will I freeze this winter? I went all last winter without a coat because I'm always hot, but this might be a whole different winter for me. Ok, I know it will be a whole different winter for me. lol.

I've been trying not to think about this whole thing too much. I've been packing up boxes to store things to make our house look uncluttered, packing to get ready to move, packing all of the house to move in with my mom..... The packing hasn't fazed me. The fact that I've packed everything up at my mom's and loaded the truck doesn't faze me. We will see how I do this morning.

I'm not going to lie, I'm nervous about our trip. This may be the ultimate test of marriage here. haha! Forget the fact that we've lived apart for most of the past year and a half. It was trying and so very difficult at times, but I have a feeling this trip might be the major test. To say it mildly, my husband can be stubborn. In his mind he knows what he's going to do. Forget if he's wrong or you want to veer off that course. So, he's done this drive before. I can guarantee he's already gotten his stops planned, and the nights planned. (and he's planned it's going to take 3 days...) I can guarantee that I'm going to disrupt that plan. haha! I want to see this country (and will try to stay awake as long as possible) and I want to make some stops. Plus, I have a ridiculously small bladder, so I would say I'm going to be getting familiar with quite a few of the bathrooms across Canada. We're also going to be alone. No kid, no other people. I can't remember the last time we've been alone, just the 2 of us, in an enclosed space for multiple days. This should be fun. lol. I will however be posting from the road and updating my twitter through text message. I just figured out how to add pictures to my tweets so I will make sure to document well on my way!!

I also have the magnets I made for Ashley, with the Violet Ribbon that say "Be strong, be brave, we are fighting with you" I've decided to get pics and randomly put the magnets places, and documenting where in Canada the support for Ashley is. (FYI, if you randomly end up with a magnet on your car.... sorry. hahaha!!!)

As you can tell i'm trying to make this trip as fun as possible to avoid tears. Like I said I will be updating quite a bit, and for now I'm signing off, I've been working on this for a few hours now.

4 Days

Wait, 4 Days?!?!?! Holy smokes, 4 days until I move to Alberta. This week is going to be filled with all the last minute details and packing everything I moved over to my mom's in baskets. since we don't need it anymore it's time to pack it up to move!

Wednesday we are having a bon voyage dinner at a restaurant and I'm going to try really hard not to cry. I'm not guaranteeing anything though. haha!

I am currently trying to finish a blog post with pictures and details from Austin's Birthday party. There are a lot of pictures so it's been taking me a while.

Happy October

Hello Everyone!

Happy October. I think I want a do-over on September because I didn't really get a chance to experience it. With all the house selling stuff the month just flew by! Sadly, I'm doing a count down for this month too, because at the end of this month we are headed to Alberta. I've just signed up with a few mom's groups in hopes that I can get out and meet some new people. Overall I'm kind of excited.

I will be posting more updates as I know, tonight I'm trying not to fall asleep while typing.

Almost time!

Well, this will be my last post from my laptop in my house. I've taken a quick break from packing to write my last post here before I unhook my internet. Our house is sold as of tomorrow and most of our things are packed and gone. We spent our first night at my mom's last night.... it wasn't fun. Austin definately needs time to adjust. We'll see how tonight is.

I'm slightly sad about the fact that I won't be pulling into my driveway tomorrow, or ever again. it's weird to think about it, but on the other hand I'm getting very excited. We've purchased a place and get posession Nov 1st. I'm pretty excited. I can't wait to see it! lol. I've seen pics online and Dave has seen it in person and he said that I will like it so I'm getting excited to get there. There are a few things I'm very excited about.... such as, the toy room!

Also, I'm super excited about this little area, which will now be known as my scrapbook/craft/business area.

Finally, I think this is going to be awesome to play in next summer, and I can't wait for Austin to be able to get out in the yard and actually be able to run around!

My big plan for after moving is to actually start working on my Creations by Kristin stuff. I have an etsy store but I haven't put anything in there to sell yet. I'm going to start creating a bunch of different things to put in the store and really focus on that. I think that will help me a lot with being in another province by myself without my family around. I will try to update and post things on my blog www.creations-by-kristin.blogspot.com with whatever new things I have.

I have to sign off now, but I will make sure to get online and update for our drive across Canada!!

What do you do?

I'm a bit at a loss. What exactly do you do first when you find out you are actually moving? When the offer comes through, when the negotiations are finished. Do you start to pack up hoping there isn't a problem with conditions? What about when the conditions are lifted. Where do you start? How do you remember to do everything? There are so many questions that go through your mind it's crazy!

Our house did sell. I didn't really tell anyone other then immediate family until the conditions were lifted. We only had 4 weeks from when the offer came in to our closing date. Waiting until the conditions were lifted gave us 3 weeks. I didn't want to start packing and jinx it. We still have one condition to be lifted, but I'm pretty confident we'll be fine. Next Question is where do you start? Well today I started on my spare bedroom. Took the bed apart, emptied the closet, boxed everything up. Great. What do I do now though? I think I'll start taking pictures down, packing up some toys, maybe some clothes. Start on packing DVD's, hall closet items, office supplies, CD's, bakewear and extra dishes?

Then, I keep thinking. I have to call about the cable, the utilities, the natural gas, I have to call and change our address so we don't annoy the new people with our mail. But wait. Where do I send the mail. We don't have a new place to go. All I know is we're moving to Alberta. Where are we going? We don't have a house, apartment or even a square of land to huddle in. How can I forward our mail? I've already figured out that Austin and I will stay with my mom until we get a place and go, but how long will that be? What about Austin's birthday? Will we still be here? I don't know, so we're having it over a month early. Who knows when we will be going and I want our parents and family to celebrate our little boy turning 2.

There are so many things to think about, and for someone who likes to have a plan and write it down 12 different times this is stressing me out. I don't know what my immediate future holds for me. All I know is that in 20 days I will no longer call this place home. Someone else will call it home. They will make their own memories here. Sigh. We will call another place home and make great memories that include all of us together.

Truth is, this is very overwhelming. Knowing that I really only get 2 weeks of my husband home to help me out over the next 6 weeks is even more overwhelming. I don't want to do anything but I want to get it all done. There are a lot of things crawling around my head making me think and reminding me of a lot of things. To be honest, I have my sad days. I'm just thinking of all the people who are missing out on my life and it makes me sad. However there is nothing I can do but just move forward.

Who knew there was so much to think about when you're moving across Canada?

New adventures in Wipe-Your-Paws land!!!

Well, the new excitement is: We're moving to Alberta. Crazy and insane for sure.























Obviously you all know that Dave has been working out there then came home. Well, there really isn't work here so the most obvious thing is - Go where the work is. So off to Alberta we go. We made the decision Tuesday morning. Let me just tell you, Tuesday was such an emotional wreck of a day. Yes, it did make me sad. I will admit that I cried. It was one of those cries where it starts and you have no idea until the tears are streaming down your face. Then I cried harder. I tried to reassure Dave that it was ok we were moving. He wasn't falling for it though because of the tears. Really, I was scared. I've never lived that far away from my family. I enjoy being able to drive 1o minutes to go visit if I'm bored. I enjoy looking in my cupboard, realizing I don't want to cook dinner so I just go to my mom's. (and yes, that may make me a mooch, but I bring Austin along so it's worth feeding us for some adorable baby/now toddler time.) I won't have anyone to just go hang out with, A nice dinner and a movie night? Who do we get to babysit? Because really, who can I trust. They will all be strangers. Then there is my job. I'm really enjoying it. It's the first time in years I've actually liked my job. However it's just a temp position so it's bound to come to an end. Then, the technicallities of actually moving and housing.

We originally decided to rent. However to get a 2 bedroom apartment we're looking at paying more then our mortgage here. So, I think we will be getting a mobile home. These things are crazy!! You can find some with more square feet then our townhouse! We are aware of the difficulties of re-sale but it's a better option then paying the outrageous penalty on our mortgage. Plus, some of them don't even look like mobile homes. They are a lot nicer looking then our current house.



So, this week has been busy. We've purged a lot, and I mean A LOT of stuff, and will be selling off a lot of furniture as well. We've packed a bunch of stuff away as well and got all of Dave's clothes packed up ready to go. The house will be going on the market next week I think. It's definately going to be a busy busy place here!!!



I am very excited to see all new things and meet new people. And at some point I am very very excited to try and see these.

















I will be posting pictures when and if I get there!!!!

Houston... We have:

medicine. Oh Dear lord, please let it help and make my baby not sick. I kid you not that Austin started Daycare Dec 17th, and by the end of that week was sick. The last week in january and the First week in February were the only 2 weeks he has not been sick. It was kind of an embarrasing dr's appt today. I got mini lectured by the dr for being almost an hour late when really, it was the new secretary who forgot about us for over 45 minutes in the waiting room. I was frustrated that I was left that long in the waiting room, plus all hopped up on mommy guilt that my child was STILL sick. Once the dr realized we had been forgotten and I wasn't that late to the appt he told me that if I am ever waiting for more then 5-10 minutes to go remind the receptionist that I am there because I should never have to wait, let alone more then 5-10 minutes. *Insert gush at how much I really love my dr!*

Then he said, what's going on. And that's when the embarrasment started. I bawled. Lol. I really did. He told me to sit down and tell him what's going on. In between gasps and cries I told him just how frustrated I was with Austin still being sick, going for 3 hours of crying in the middle of the night because he's sick and can't breathe and there is nothing I can do to help it, Dave still being out of the province and me doing the night times and most daytimes alone, and my frustrations over my previous job about them being so sucky about me having to call in because Austin was sick then got me sick. So, we have amoxacillen (however you spell it) and the dr said to come back in 10 days and either he will be better and get his shots (that he was supposed to get 2 weeks ago at his last appt, but suprise suprise, was sick) or if he is still sick he will be going to see a pediatrician. I'm banking on being better.. please please please.

We have some sort of a plan worked out. Dave will be home on the 16th - ish. They are leaving Alberta on the 13th. I can't wait. Too bad that he will miss the 2 days that I am going to need him the most, the 14th and 15th, as I have to go into the hospital on the 15th and need to prep on the 14th. I know there is no way I'm going to be able to keep up with Austin either of those days and on the monday Daycare is closed for March break. If you're curious as to what's going on the 15th, message me and let me know... There is just some TMI I don't want broadcast everywhere.

101 in 1,001 update: Finished reading Who's wedding is it anyways by Melissa Senate. I bought the book last year in hopes of actually reading it and getting nowhere. I have read the solomon sisters wise up by Melissa Senate and enjoyed it so I thought I would read this one. It's pretty predictable... but was a very quick read.

First Playground trip

Well, the first time we went to the playground in our Townhouse complex. They tore out the old one that was in dire need of repair and put in a new one. Not really a fan. However, I did get Austin sliding away and he seemed to enjoy it. Here are some cute pictures from today.

He kept wanting to sit on the slide at first, then I showed him how to slide.

Showing off his super cute new Cars Shoes.

Seconds after this pic was taken he gave me a heart attack as he tried to take another step towards the slide. Ugh. Really glad I was right there to say stop and sit down. *whew*

Great Action shots. You can see how much fun he's having!

And then going back for more!

We almost have the waving down. After I don't know at least 6 months of trying to get Austin to wave he's started to pick it up. This is kind of exciting. lol. It's a 1 in 50 chance he will wave on his own, but if you start his hand waving he will continue. Of course that's when he's in the mood.

Also, he's starting to get the concept of Kleenex - other then to rip out of the box and shred all over the living room. Tonight he took a kleenex, put it to his mouth and blew. Not quite it's intended purpose but I'm sure he'll learn that soon enough. Especially if he continues down his sick path. This week we still have the runny nose and lots of chest congestion. I've got the vapourizer going full blast in his room, which I don't think he enjoys so much because he's been up coughing and screaming, making it known he's not happy through the night the past few nights. I know the coughing is good for him to get it cleared out, but the screaming and crying I could do without. We have a dr's appt on thursday, which from the sounds of it he won't be better for, so we will probably have to re-schedule and get his shots another day.

Finally, I am sooooo happy to announce: My husband is finally coming home!! We are expecting him sometime between the 16th and the 21st. Depends on what day he's done work and what day his dad flies out to Alberta to drive home with him. This excites me to no end. Although, on one hand, I'm not looking forward to giving up the bed I've had all to myself for the past 8 months.

Lastly: 101 in 1,001 update: Read another book: Working Stiff by Grant Stoddard Plus, I rented and watched an entire tv series I have never seen before. I got Freaks and Geeks. I honestly thought this was a totally different show that I had seen a few episodes of years ago.. However it wasn't. It did turn out to be a pretty good show, even though the entire series was only 18 episodes long. At times it was a little over the top acting but I did enjoy it anyways.

2nd part of my update.

Alright, so an update on us now.

I'll start with the best. Austin. He's getting smarter and cuter by the day. He now has 5 teeth out, one pre-molar just poked through and another pre-molar getting ready to come through.

He's been in Daycare since December. Last week was the first week we weren't sick! woo hoo! Other than the sickness he has been doing really well. I'm glad he's able to get out and socialize with other kids.

He now seems to be less clumsy. I know he will never *not* be clumsy... after all, he is my son, but he is getting better.

He still isn't talking much. He says Uh oh, mama, occasionally dada. When he's playing with cars he will make a 'room 'room noise. I think he's trying to say elmo. he understands a lot though. When I ask him to put something somewhere or go get his toys he understood. I asked him a few weeks ago if he wanted to put his coat on to go to daycare and play with the kids. He shook his head yes then held out his arms to put his coat on. He loves playing with forks while eating, still hasn't mastered the art of scooping things onto his fork yet though.

Finally, he gets into everything. EVERYTHING. I find myself uttering the most ridiculous statements some days. So far the best has been "Austin, get your balls out of the toilet." Yes that's right, he took the balls from his helecopter and put them in the toilet. He's started to climb. I finally got him to stop playing with the lamps in the living room. Not anymore. He climbs up on our ottoman, then crawls onto the table and plays with the lamps. I have to figure out how to get him to stop again. Some days though I find it so hard to tell him no because he gives me the cutest smile. I still do though, no spoiling here! lol. It's so hard to believe that he will be 15 months old next week. Crazy.


Next, Dave. He's still in Alberta. It has been really hard, but we're managing. We're doing what we need to at this point. We're hoping for him to come home in March, however we will see what happens in March.

That brings me back to my 'chat board'. The group of girls I have bonded with have helped me immensely. Like I said, they have been my saviour. These past almost 7 months have been really hard. I've shut myself off from most of my friends. I realize this and I guess this post is to get myself to open up, let everyone back in. I want to start with I'm sorry. I've dodged a lot of calls and avoided keeping up with friends. Some friends I just can't bear to be around. They remind me too much of the happy times when I had my husband here with me. I know I should embrace that but I haven't been able to. That's why I've not called them, I haven't gone out of my way to make conversation. It just sucks and was too hard to pretend to be happy. I didn't want to go out and be fake all night, but I also didn't want to bring them down and make them worry. To those friends who have wondered where I've been the past few months, I'm sorry. I've been a crappy friend. I've decided though that I need to change that and try to get out of my funk a bit more.

I have made some new friends that I have been hanging out with quite a bit. It's great because I can be happy without any previous memories, but most nights the sadness is still there. I know it's still going to be there until my husband is home with me, but I'm actually trying to make a conscious effort now. When I look back at the past 6 1/2 months I feel like I've been surviving, not living. I don't want to do that anymore. So here I am. I am opening up about everything and getting it out for everyone to read. Makes me a bit more accountable for being absent from my life. Everything has been affected and I'm changing it. I'm taking more notice and care of everything around me.

Just please, don't mention Valentine's day to me. I'm still a little bitter/sad/annoyed at the 'holiday' since Dave and I won't be able to be together.

On to some happier news. I finished my accounting course last semester with a grade of 96. I was so shocked and happy about that! I'm taking accounting 2 this semester. I'm hoping to get a grade just as good. Too bad I didn't figure out that I was good at this math stuff when I was in school and did something about it then.

Well, I'm off to bed. Austin has taken to waking up for a few hours in the middle of the night the past week so I should get some sleep before he gets me up again!

Tuesday

Today was a good day. I got up and went and picked up our friend Jen. We then went to Walmart to buy tank some more food. (I think I have enough to last a while maybe...) then drove down to the lake. We watched 2 guys *try* to throw a football around. I could throw one better then them. They need some football lessons. Either way it was entertaining. Then we got out of the car and took Austin to the swings. He had such a blast. He was laughing and giggling every time he swung close to us. After that we tried the slide. That's one thing he hasn't gotten the concept of yet. I put him on his bum, held his hands, tried to slide him down... and he put his feet flat on the slide then stood up. We will have to practice the slide thing I think..lol.

Austin has a cold. He's having a hard time breathing. Last night he kept waking up. Tonight I figured I would be smart and when he went down for the night I gave him some of the infant tylenol for colds. Well, he's up now. Seemingly wide awake. So..... I'm left him in his crib after calming him down. I can hear him playing and hopefully he goes to sleep. I hope this cold doesn't get too bad. It will suck not having Dave here to help out if it's a really bad cold.

Well, here are some pictures. First off, we have Austin's 8 month old pictures.

Next, we have the alberta pictures:

Dave leaving the airport.

Inside the West Edmonton Mall

Beautiful Sunset off Graham's deck.

Our awesome Polynesian room at the fantasyland hotel.

The really cute penguin I got to see upclose and personal

The sunset on the way home from Alberta.

Next we have pictures of Austin playing with Bailey and the water bowl.

And finally some pictures from the park today, he was loving the swing!

I'm sure there were a few updates on my 101 in 1,001 list but at this point I can't remember so maybe another night.

Austin is still up crying so I guess I better get him back to sleep.