Tuesday, February 22, 2011

This month.

I am a pretty tough cookie. I can put up with a lot of crap. I can turn my back and let the shat bounce off my back. I can remain calm during temper tantrums and sass.

I am also extremely thankful to my husband for having the strength to work away from home to provide us things, food, housing, etc.

This is not a post about him not being here. It's about doing my best while he's gone.

Last year as some of you faithful readers may have read last month I finally went to the dr about my depression. Before that, there were definite bad days with Austin and me feeling like crap and I was full of resentment and anger. I would be mad at him for no reason. Then I started taking my meds, my husband was home working and everything seemed fine.

Then he couldn't get a job. We made the decision to move to Alberta. He would go and I would stay, sell the house, tie up the loose ends, try to stay in one piece.

Let me tell you, I was terrified. I was so worried that I would have those bad days again, take it out on Austin, and Dave wouldn't be there to stop me. I didn't realize just how bad I was until I went on my meds and I decided I didn't want to be like that again. With Dave leaving I was afraid. I started to tell family, reaching out for help. Family knowing that if I called in a panic it was ok, I just needed help.

Thankfully, it was ok. We fell into a routine of getting out of the house every day to stop me from going insane. Even if we only got out for an hour, we were out of the house. I was getting better, and even though there were a few sad days thinking ahead to not being around my friends and family, everything was ok. I was more patient with Austin. (Note I'm not saying completely patient, he was almost 2, there are some days you just want to pull your hair out)

Then we moved. I had a plan. I had joined a meetup group. I was going to get out everyday and just try to pass the days until Dave was home again. No problem. Until Dave got laid off. He was home for 2 1/2 months.

He was helping me for 2 1/2 months. cooking, cleaning, sanity saving. When he had a job for the one week I will admit, I was kind of a mess. There were a few days I just brought toys into our bedroom between meals and just laid in bed sad while Austin played on the floor. Dishes piled up. everything was a mess. When Dave did come home, I could tell he was upset with me.

When Dave got another job, I was worried. I didn't want Austin to miss out on fun and getting out of the house. I was worried because for 2 1/2 months I didn't have to do everything on my own. I had help. But now I was all alone again.

Let me tell you. It's been all right. We've been doing amazing. We've had days of lounge around in pj's all day, but we've been playing and tickling and racing cars while in our pj's. Dave gets home tomorrow night. He has been gone for a month. It doesn't seem like a month. We've been doing mall walking at random malls, taking random driving trips around Edmonton, and going to indoor play places.

We have been a-ok and I think I've been pretty good with Austin. Only getting really mad when the situation warrants it (hello sharpie on the cupboards)and showering him with lots of kisses, cuddles and tickles. There is lots of laughter in this house and I can't even begin to tell you just how amazing it is to hear his non stop giggles mixed in with him telling his stories.

We are awesome and tomorrow night my amazing and wonderful husband will be home for 4 days of fun and laughter and joy. Joy in our awesome little family. Joy in knowing the future won't always be as hard as it's been but we're way better off after getting through the tough times together.


  1. You are an amazing tough cookie and have done so well. We are very proud of your accomplishments and are only a call or flight away. Enjoy your weekend.

  2. aww Kristin, such a sweet post, and you ARE a tough cookie!! You are awesome with that kid!! I'm so ready to be here for you whenever you need me for anything!! feel happy chats or even those days that require some ice cream, i'll pick some up before i come over!! haha!!


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