Breaking

I am getting payback I think. Payback for having an awesome baby who was content and would sleep. Hell, even for the fact that while Austin knew the word no, he rarely used it. It's payback for sure.

His new favorite word is No! closely followed by nuh-uh, and nope. All the damn time. I'm trying to let him express himself and learn his boundaries, but that damn no is driving me insane.

No is one of the things that is starting to break me. I'm going to be honest here. It's sure not easy. With the constant no's, and dealing with stupid people and our garbage bins, then the added stress of being 2 parents while my husband is gone. Yeah, I'm starting to break.

As a bonus, I'm in the middle of lowering the dosage on my meds. Not sure that's helping much.

Don't get me wrong, I've been feeling pretty good actually. I've had some frustrations but I've been keeping myself busy and enjoying myself. However the last few days have just felt like a never ending boring loop of frustrations with my son.

Tonight I called my husband and bawled on the phone. I just needed to get it out, stop penting it up! I actually feel much better now, maybe a bit drained from being tired and crying. It is hard. Anyone who is in this situation who says it's not hard might just be on much stronger meds then I have. Some days I just need a little bit of help. Sadly, there isn't much here for help for me.

I am so looking forward to my upcoming trip back to Ontario. A few weeks with friends and family. Plus, to any family from there if you want to take Austin for a day or a weekend or right about now a week or 2, you are more then welcome to. haha!! It's been a long few weeks for us that's for sure.

So, like I said, I am breaking but I know what I need to do put the pieces back together for a way more awesome me.