People are funny creatures. There are just so many complex things in a human that make them so hard to figure out. I really wish people were see through and you could tell everything about them. Makes it so much easier in the end. Would save so many feelings and stress and frustration. Knowing exactly what kind of person you are dating for example, instead of finding out after 2 or 3 months they are a douchebag. Saves a lot of pain. Or friendship. Knowing where you stood with a friendship. Makes things so much easier.
I guess I should back up a bit. I've debated writing this for a while. My mind goes back and forth, but tonight I decided to write it out.
This all started when I was called a "terrible mother" yup. That's right. By someone who I actually thought was a really really close friend. While I knew it wasnt true it still pissed me off. Who are you to say that my son "deserves to be in a group home instead of with you and Dave" yeah. It went that far. No mother is 100% perfect but come on. When word got around through family and a slight vent on facebook everyone who has ever seen me with my child has assured me that I am not a terrible mother. I know that, and a huge thank you to those who came forward to remind me. My child is happy, well adjusted, and according to random strangers, pretty damn smart. (well, family and myself think that too but sometimes it's better to take a strangers word for it) I make up for the fact that he lives in a 1 parent household 90% of the time. I love my child and from the way he takes 10 steps away from me the turns around and runs back to me with a smile on his face just to give me a huge hug, he loves me too. Nothing anyone can say will change that.
Especially not a so called friend. Someone who I stood up for as my friend when others wrote them off. Someone who also told me I behaved like a child and tried to tear me down for how long. And yet I defended that friend. How stupid was I? Even though I know I am not a Terrible mother to finally know that is what that 'friend' thinks of you, well, it can kind of shatter your world. Someone I trusted, someone I stood by. In a matter of 10 minutes for them to rip you apart and basically not care. For them to throw things in your face ( like that I am morbidly obese and bringing another morbidly obese person into the world, even though my son is perfectly healthy) it makes you mad. Mad about making the choice to let them into your life, to create memories with, to share the down times and even the happy times. I'm mad. I'm mad at myself for being fooled. I should have paid attention earlier. I shouldn't have given you a second chance. But I did and look what happened. You showed your true colors. I was left baffled. Confused at how you can spew out such hateful things. Wondering what the hell is going on in your head. Pissed off that this is what I get for being a friend.
So yes, I do wish everyone was see through and we could know the true person deep inside. I would have loved to know and tried to distance myself. What you said did hurt. It didn't make me doubt my parenting, but it did make me doubt my choices in a friend. And I really want to stand on a rooftop and yell out to everyone what you did and who you are. Not to get close to you because this is how you treat your friends. Tell everyone to not sugar coating things to you and tell you straight up, because lord knows there was no sugarcoating your spewing of all those hateful things. It's like you are 2 different people and I want to warn them of who you really are. But I dont. I just leave it alone. As much as I want to I don't. I don't take the low road and slander your name. I wish I didn't have morals and a conscience, then I could try to hurt you worse then you hurt me. But I won't. I'll vent here and make details vague. I'll put it down so I can get it out. I'll write down my thoughts and feelings on this subject like I do on other subjects.
Then?
Then I'll move on with my life.
I will continue to be happy. I will continue to live a happy life and take care of my amazing child. I will move forward and make new friends, try to salvage some old. I will do what makes me happy. I will spend time with family and true friends. And even though you try to bring me down by saying I'm morbidly obese I will embrace myself and my image and I will continue to lose weight, like I have been even before this incident.
I am loving my life and not letting anything take me down. If depression isn't doing it I won't let you do it either. I will move on. This whole thing will become a long lost memory. I will be fine. And to my true friends, I can't wait to move on and be happy with a of you.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Missing
Grey garbage bin.
Aprox 5 ft tall.
Small hole in handle.
Says city of *scratched out* on the lid, state of texas on the side. (Yes, we live in alberta CANADA)
Looks exactly like our fellow 900 neighbours' bins.
No picture available, because who thinks hey I'll take a pic of my garbage bin *just* in case. Although I supposed I could just take a pic of the neighbours.
Yes, someone stole my garbage bin. Not entirely sure why as everyone has been provided one. Not like we have to buy our own and someone thought it would be cheaper just to steal it. I'm a little baffled to say the least. I guess I'm off to the property management in the morning to find out what to do now.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
This month.
I am a pretty tough cookie. I can put up with a lot of crap. I can turn my back and let the shat bounce off my back. I can remain calm during temper tantrums and sass.
I am also extremely thankful to my husband for having the strength to work away from home to provide us things, food, housing, etc.
This is not a post about him not being here. It's about doing my best while he's gone.
Last year as some of you faithful readers may have read last month I finally went to the dr about my depression. Before that, there were definite bad days with Austin and me feeling like crap and I was full of resentment and anger. I would be mad at him for no reason. Then I started taking my meds, my husband was home working and everything seemed fine.
Then he couldn't get a job. We made the decision to move to Alberta. He would go and I would stay, sell the house, tie up the loose ends, try to stay in one piece.
Let me tell you, I was terrified. I was so worried that I would have those bad days again, take it out on Austin, and Dave wouldn't be there to stop me. I didn't realize just how bad I was until I went on my meds and I decided I didn't want to be like that again. With Dave leaving I was afraid. I started to tell family, reaching out for help. Family knowing that if I called in a panic it was ok, I just needed help.
Thankfully, it was ok. We fell into a routine of getting out of the house every day to stop me from going insane. Even if we only got out for an hour, we were out of the house. I was getting better, and even though there were a few sad days thinking ahead to not being around my friends and family, everything was ok. I was more patient with Austin. (Note I'm not saying completely patient, he was almost 2, there are some days you just want to pull your hair out)
Then we moved. I had a plan. I had joined a meetup group. I was going to get out everyday and just try to pass the days until Dave was home again. No problem. Until Dave got laid off. He was home for 2 1/2 months.
He was helping me for 2 1/2 months. cooking, cleaning, sanity saving. When he had a job for the one week I will admit, I was kind of a mess. There were a few days I just brought toys into our bedroom between meals and just laid in bed sad while Austin played on the floor. Dishes piled up. everything was a mess. When Dave did come home, I could tell he was upset with me.
When Dave got another job, I was worried. I didn't want Austin to miss out on fun and getting out of the house. I was worried because for 2 1/2 months I didn't have to do everything on my own. I had help. But now I was all alone again.
Let me tell you. It's been all right. We've been doing amazing. We've had days of lounge around in pj's all day, but we've been playing and tickling and racing cars while in our pj's. Dave gets home tomorrow night. He has been gone for a month. It doesn't seem like a month. We've been doing mall walking at random malls, taking random driving trips around Edmonton, and going to indoor play places.
We have been a-ok and I think I've been pretty good with Austin. Only getting really mad when the situation warrants it (hello sharpie on the cupboards)and showering him with lots of kisses, cuddles and tickles. There is lots of laughter in this house and I can't even begin to tell you just how amazing it is to hear his non stop giggles mixed in with him telling his stories.
We are awesome and tomorrow night my amazing and wonderful husband will be home for 4 days of fun and laughter and joy. Joy in our awesome little family. Joy in knowing the future won't always be as hard as it's been but we're way better off after getting through the tough times together.
I am also extremely thankful to my husband for having the strength to work away from home to provide us things, food, housing, etc.
This is not a post about him not being here. It's about doing my best while he's gone.
Last year as some of you faithful readers may have read last month I finally went to the dr about my depression. Before that, there were definite bad days with Austin and me feeling like crap and I was full of resentment and anger. I would be mad at him for no reason. Then I started taking my meds, my husband was home working and everything seemed fine.
Then he couldn't get a job. We made the decision to move to Alberta. He would go and I would stay, sell the house, tie up the loose ends, try to stay in one piece.
Let me tell you, I was terrified. I was so worried that I would have those bad days again, take it out on Austin, and Dave wouldn't be there to stop me. I didn't realize just how bad I was until I went on my meds and I decided I didn't want to be like that again. With Dave leaving I was afraid. I started to tell family, reaching out for help. Family knowing that if I called in a panic it was ok, I just needed help.
Thankfully, it was ok. We fell into a routine of getting out of the house every day to stop me from going insane. Even if we only got out for an hour, we were out of the house. I was getting better, and even though there were a few sad days thinking ahead to not being around my friends and family, everything was ok. I was more patient with Austin. (Note I'm not saying completely patient, he was almost 2, there are some days you just want to pull your hair out)
Then we moved. I had a plan. I had joined a meetup group. I was going to get out everyday and just try to pass the days until Dave was home again. No problem. Until Dave got laid off. He was home for 2 1/2 months.
He was helping me for 2 1/2 months. cooking, cleaning, sanity saving. When he had a job for the one week I will admit, I was kind of a mess. There were a few days I just brought toys into our bedroom between meals and just laid in bed sad while Austin played on the floor. Dishes piled up. everything was a mess. When Dave did come home, I could tell he was upset with me.
When Dave got another job, I was worried. I didn't want Austin to miss out on fun and getting out of the house. I was worried because for 2 1/2 months I didn't have to do everything on my own. I had help. But now I was all alone again.
Let me tell you. It's been all right. We've been doing amazing. We've had days of lounge around in pj's all day, but we've been playing and tickling and racing cars while in our pj's. Dave gets home tomorrow night. He has been gone for a month. It doesn't seem like a month. We've been doing mall walking at random malls, taking random driving trips around Edmonton, and going to indoor play places.
We have been a-ok and I think I've been pretty good with Austin. Only getting really mad when the situation warrants it (hello sharpie on the cupboards)and showering him with lots of kisses, cuddles and tickles. There is lots of laughter in this house and I can't even begin to tell you just how amazing it is to hear his non stop giggles mixed in with him telling his stories.
We are awesome and tomorrow night my amazing and wonderful husband will be home for 4 days of fun and laughter and joy. Joy in our awesome little family. Joy in knowing the future won't always be as hard as it's been but we're way better off after getting through the tough times together.
Friday, February 18, 2011
The weekend!
Here are our plans for the weekend. Tonight mom gets in at 6:53 now (flight was delayed from 6:07) and we are headed for dinner. We're going to hit up Bourbon street at the West Edmonton mall. I figure I will let mom choose where we have dinner. Then a very exciting tripto walmart to get diapers since they are on sale today. (and I only have about 4 left)
Today I went to the mall and picked us up passes. On the weekends it's $36 per person for the water park, $36 per person for a pass to the amusement park, more for the sea lion show, etc etc. The mall happens to have their family pack of 3 month passes on sale. It works out to $56 per person if you buy a 3 month pass. So, I went today and got a pass. Since Austin is under 3 he is free for almost everything. I got myself and Dave a pass, a pass for my mom, and our friend Lindsay said she would buy the 4th pass. Now, me and Austin can go to the mall and do any attraction for free!! (since this weekend will more then pay for the pass) we could go every day if we want. In one day we can get a pass to the water park, the amusement park (except the play are, just the rides) a round of mini golf at professor wem's golf, a round of mini golf at the other mini golf place, 2 games of bowling and shoe rental, billiards (over 18), the sea lion show, passes to sea live cavern (the aquarium) and a ride on the bumper boats if you're over 3. That's a whole freaking lot to do every day!! I think I know where Austin and I will be living for the next 3 months. Even if we do only one thing a day that's still enough to entertain us for the next 3 months.
Wow, kind of got off topic there! Haha! So Saturday we are headed to the mall. We're goingto do whatever we want since we have the passes.
Sunday we are going to do the drive to Jasper. It's supposed to be 0 degrees, which for feb is pretty nice, so we're going to go and enjoy ourselves and check out some mountains.
Monday morning we are going to head back to the mall and do more if we want until it's time to take mom back to the airport :(
I'm sure at the end of this weekend I will have lots of pictures! Hope everyone has a great weekend, enjoy family day if you have it!
Today I went to the mall and picked us up passes. On the weekends it's $36 per person for the water park, $36 per person for a pass to the amusement park, more for the sea lion show, etc etc. The mall happens to have their family pack of 3 month passes on sale. It works out to $56 per person if you buy a 3 month pass. So, I went today and got a pass. Since Austin is under 3 he is free for almost everything. I got myself and Dave a pass, a pass for my mom, and our friend Lindsay said she would buy the 4th pass. Now, me and Austin can go to the mall and do any attraction for free!! (since this weekend will more then pay for the pass) we could go every day if we want. In one day we can get a pass to the water park, the amusement park (except the play are, just the rides) a round of mini golf at professor wem's golf, a round of mini golf at the other mini golf place, 2 games of bowling and shoe rental, billiards (over 18), the sea lion show, passes to sea live cavern (the aquarium) and a ride on the bumper boats if you're over 3. That's a whole freaking lot to do every day!! I think I know where Austin and I will be living for the next 3 months. Even if we do only one thing a day that's still enough to entertain us for the next 3 months.
Wow, kind of got off topic there! Haha! So Saturday we are headed to the mall. We're goingto do whatever we want since we have the passes.
Sunday we are going to do the drive to Jasper. It's supposed to be 0 degrees, which for feb is pretty nice, so we're going to go and enjoy ourselves and check out some mountains.
Monday morning we are going to head back to the mall and do more if we want until it's time to take mom back to the airport :(
I'm sure at the end of this weekend I will have lots of pictures! Hope everyone has a great weekend, enjoy family day if you have it!
Thursday, February 17, 2011
An oldie
I was checking my drafts to see if I had any blogs I forgot to publish. Well I found this one from Nov 29th 2009. Just a few weeks after Austin's first Birthday. Obviously I never finished it, but it's still cute to look back and see what I had written. It's too bad I didn't finish it, then I could have more documented from that age. lol
Let me tell you all about Austin.
He has a random temper. He will freak out and start throwing things around for no reason. Sometimes it's funny. Sometimes, not so much.
He still loves opening and shutting doors. However instead of opening and getting into things he will crouch down, stare at it (more than likely trying to weigh the options of - if I touch this will I get caught or better, will I get yelled at and told to get out of the cupboard.) then either get up and close the door. The odd time will include getting into everything in the damn cupboard. When I close him into the upstairs so I can go to the bathroom, the whole time I am pulling him out of the cupboard, taking the feminine products away from him and trying to force the bathroom cupboards shut. I'm going to be installing childproof door opening thingies soon. lol.
Let me tell you all about Austin.
He has a random temper. He will freak out and start throwing things around for no reason. Sometimes it's funny. Sometimes, not so much.
He still loves opening and shutting doors. However instead of opening and getting into things he will crouch down, stare at it (more than likely trying to weigh the options of - if I touch this will I get caught or better, will I get yelled at and told to get out of the cupboard.) then either get up and close the door. The odd time will include getting into everything in the damn cupboard. When I close him into the upstairs so I can go to the bathroom, the whole time I am pulling him out of the cupboard, taking the feminine products away from him and trying to force the bathroom cupboards shut. I'm going to be installing childproof door opening thingies soon. lol.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Feeling a little springy.
As I write this we are back down into the super cold temps, but thanks to a chinook (more on that in another post) It was beautiful here last week. I was definitely hit with the spring bug.
I think what may have also helped was this
Seeing these beauties in the grocery store and actually having them taste like strawberries, not flavorless like some off season fruit, totally made my day.
I also got creative and made a bunch of spring and easter cards for my store, you should head on over and check it out. http://kristinscraftythings.etsy.com I just love how the yellows and greens brighten up my day!!! Hopefully spring comes sooner than later and I can get outside and enjoy our back yard!! With all the warm weather and rain the snow has gone down a bit, but I'm sure if I sent Austin out in it it would still be higher then his waist. lol. We have a lot of snow here.
What brightens up your day and puts a spring in your step?
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Busy week, fun weekend
I've got a busy week ahead of me this week. It's because of this person right here:
My Mommy!!!!! She's coming to see me for a weekend! Her plane gets in on Friday night and I am excited! We have a jam packed weekend planned with some awesome fun, I'm sure of it.
However, as any kid knows, this means making sure everything is spotless. I have plans to wash our kitchen floor (!?!?!?!?!) and make my house all pretty. Maybe even pick up some flowers to put out.
Only 3 more days and I can't freaking wait!!!
My Mommy!!!!! She's coming to see me for a weekend! Her plane gets in on Friday night and I am excited! We have a jam packed weekend planned with some awesome fun, I'm sure of it.
However, as any kid knows, this means making sure everything is spotless. I have plans to wash our kitchen floor (!?!?!?!?!) and make my house all pretty. Maybe even pick up some flowers to put out.
Only 3 more days and I can't freaking wait!!!
Monday, February 14, 2011
One of those days.
Today is going to be one of those days. I can tell already. It started off great with cuddles in bed.
Then I came out and got us some cereal. I poured Austin's into his bowl, mine into my bowl. Then put the boxes away. Well. That created a whole lot of tears. He thought I was just teasing him with the cereal. Didn't matter that I showed him his bowl with the dry cereal in it, he was still upset that I put the box away.
Rest assured once I got the milk in the bowl and had it in front of him he believed me.
He's getting cranky and whiney though at the cereal that won't get on his spoon and into his mouth, so yup, it's going to be a long day.
Then I came out and got us some cereal. I poured Austin's into his bowl, mine into my bowl. Then put the boxes away. Well. That created a whole lot of tears. He thought I was just teasing him with the cereal. Didn't matter that I showed him his bowl with the dry cereal in it, he was still upset that I put the box away.
Rest assured once I got the milk in the bowl and had it in front of him he believed me.
He's getting cranky and whiney though at the cereal that won't get on his spoon and into his mouth, so yup, it's going to be a long day.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
My kids future
Some days I wonder what my kids future holds. Yesterday however, I'm pretty sure his future profession will be car-jacker. Lol to get us out of the house but also out of the bitter cold we ventured out to Cafe O' Play.
They have trains and climbing equipment and a whole bunch of cozy coupe cars. We walk in the door, Austin runs for the trains, then spots a car he wants.
Of course there is another kid in the car playing so Austin goes up, opens the door and tries to climb in on the other kids lap. That kid was having none of that though and gave Austin the look. Lol
A while later he notices the buzz lightyear spaceship and tries to tell the kid to get out because he wants it. Doesn't work, so he tried to climb in with the kid again.
When he spied the motorcycle and the boy on it tried to ride away Austin grabbed the back and started pulling him backwards.
Yup, my kid is going to be a car-jacker.
They have trains and climbing equipment and a whole bunch of cozy coupe cars. We walk in the door, Austin runs for the trains, then spots a car he wants.
Of course there is another kid in the car playing so Austin goes up, opens the door and tries to climb in on the other kids lap. That kid was having none of that though and gave Austin the look. Lol
A while later he notices the buzz lightyear spaceship and tries to tell the kid to get out because he wants it. Doesn't work, so he tried to climb in with the kid again.
When he spied the motorcycle and the boy on it tried to ride away Austin grabbed the back and started pulling him backwards.
Yup, my kid is going to be a car-jacker.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Alberta drivers part 2
Not sure if anyone remembers my last post about alberta drivers, but here is post number 2. Again, I will apologize to those Albertans who don't drive like douchebags, but this is what I notice on a whole.
First, the parking is Starting to not get on my nerves.... AS MUCH. Lol. Some people still amaze me. I am a crazy anal straight Parker. It will annoy me the whole time I am out of the car if I'm parked crooked. It boggles my mind that people can park so crooked and be fine with it.
Then there is the speed thing. Out of 100% I would say 25% of the drivers are speedy demons who zoom in and out of traffic. ( apparently they aren't afraid of photo radar tickets) 25% of people go the speed limit or a smidgen over. Then there's the other 50%. They dont even come close to doing the speed limit. The speed limit on hwy 16 is 110. I do 100 or 105 and I am passing people like I am speeding! I just don't get it! In Ontario if you aren't doing at least 105 onthe 401 people are riding your bumper and flipping you the bird. Crazy.
Then, there is the writing. This is actually a funny because cars here get really dirty. Salt isn't used on the roads to prevent slipping. Dirt and rocks are. So cars it seems are always dirty. Today while driving to our dr appt I saw a car with f$&* u written in the dirt. The driver obviously tried to make it seem like it wasn't written there, but you could still tell. Not going to lie, it made me giggle. The other night driving home I saw written onthe back of a dirty pick up truck "I wish my wife were this dirty" I really wish I got a picture of that, it definitely made my night. Haha. Oh haha. I keep giggling to myself here. I wonder if the guys wife ever saw that. Lol
Now, learning to drive it was drilled into my head, if you are onthe highway and coming up to an on-ramp with a car trying to get on, move into the next lane so they can get on. To those who started driving in Alberta, were you not told this??? I can't even begin to tell you how many times jerk drivers have stayed in the lane despite no one being beside them. And the on-ramps here seem to be much shorter in dome areas. I hate those drivers. Ugh. Hate.
I'm sure I will have way more vents about drivers in the future, but for now I'm good. Haha.
First, the parking is Starting to not get on my nerves.... AS MUCH. Lol. Some people still amaze me. I am a crazy anal straight Parker. It will annoy me the whole time I am out of the car if I'm parked crooked. It boggles my mind that people can park so crooked and be fine with it.
Then there is the speed thing. Out of 100% I would say 25% of the drivers are speedy demons who zoom in and out of traffic. ( apparently they aren't afraid of photo radar tickets) 25% of people go the speed limit or a smidgen over. Then there's the other 50%. They dont even come close to doing the speed limit. The speed limit on hwy 16 is 110. I do 100 or 105 and I am passing people like I am speeding! I just don't get it! In Ontario if you aren't doing at least 105 onthe 401 people are riding your bumper and flipping you the bird. Crazy.
Then, there is the writing. This is actually a funny because cars here get really dirty. Salt isn't used on the roads to prevent slipping. Dirt and rocks are. So cars it seems are always dirty. Today while driving to our dr appt I saw a car with f$&* u written in the dirt. The driver obviously tried to make it seem like it wasn't written there, but you could still tell. Not going to lie, it made me giggle. The other night driving home I saw written onthe back of a dirty pick up truck "I wish my wife were this dirty" I really wish I got a picture of that, it definitely made my night. Haha. Oh haha. I keep giggling to myself here. I wonder if the guys wife ever saw that. Lol
Now, learning to drive it was drilled into my head, if you are onthe highway and coming up to an on-ramp with a car trying to get on, move into the next lane so they can get on. To those who started driving in Alberta, were you not told this??? I can't even begin to tell you how many times jerk drivers have stayed in the lane despite no one being beside them. And the on-ramps here seem to be much shorter in dome areas. I hate those drivers. Ugh. Hate.
I'm sure I will have way more vents about drivers in the future, but for now I'm good. Haha.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Austin's New puppy
Well, I finally gave in.
I got Austin a puppy.
I really didn't want a dog that shed their fur much. One that is small enough to take with us, and doesn't have a loud bark. Obviously something cute.
Let me tell you, he was in love with his new puppy. His face lit up with joy when I gave it to him.
I asked him what his puppy's name was and he said "mom."
He spent all afternoon playing with his puppy Mom.
Here he is with his new puppy. Are you ready for the amount of cute-ness in this picture?
Are you sure??
Ok! Here is the new Puppy!!
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Isn't it adorable? And in this picture he is about to shake his puppy with joy.
Now this, is my perfect puppy!! Cheap, no food to pay for, no need for a dog sitter if we go away, no poop to clean, no fur to pick up. And Austin loves him just as much.
Sadly, Mom has already faced some tragedy. She lost her tail. I have never seen Austin so shocked or sad when he pulled the tail off. LOL. He even brought out the pouting lip out of sadness too. It's ok, I'll make him a new one. Maybe a blue one. haha.
Hope you enjoyed Austin's new puppy!
I got Austin a puppy.
I really didn't want a dog that shed their fur much. One that is small enough to take with us, and doesn't have a loud bark. Obviously something cute.
Let me tell you, he was in love with his new puppy. His face lit up with joy when I gave it to him.
I asked him what his puppy's name was and he said "mom."
He spent all afternoon playing with his puppy Mom.
Here he is with his new puppy. Are you ready for the amount of cute-ness in this picture?
Are you sure??
Ok! Here is the new Puppy!!
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
Isn't it adorable? And in this picture he is about to shake his puppy with joy.
Now this, is my perfect puppy!! Cheap, no food to pay for, no need for a dog sitter if we go away, no poop to clean, no fur to pick up. And Austin loves him just as much.
Sadly, Mom has already faced some tragedy. She lost her tail. I have never seen Austin so shocked or sad when he pulled the tail off. LOL. He even brought out the pouting lip out of sadness too. It's ok, I'll make him a new one. Maybe a blue one. haha.
Hope you enjoyed Austin's new puppy!
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