Getting it off my chest.

People are funny creatures. There are just so many complex things in a human that make them so hard to figure out. I really wish people were see through and you could tell everything about them. Makes it so much easier in the end. Would save so many feelings and stress and frustration. Knowing exactly what kind of person you are dating for example, instead of finding out after 2 or 3 months they are a douchebag. Saves a lot of pain. Or friendship. Knowing where you stood with a friendship. Makes things so much easier.

I guess I should back up a bit. I've debated writing this for a while. My mind goes back and forth, but tonight I decided to write it out.

This all started when I was called a "terrible mother" yup. That's right. By someone who I actually thought was a really really close friend. While I knew it wasnt true it still pissed me off. Who are you to say that my son "deserves to be in a group home instead of with you and Dave" yeah. It went that far. No mother is 100% perfect but come on. When word got around through family and a slight vent on facebook everyone who has ever seen me with my child has assured me that I am not a terrible mother. I know that, and a huge thank you to those who came forward to remind me. My child is happy, well adjusted, and according to random strangers, pretty damn smart. (well, family and myself think that too but sometimes it's better to take a strangers word for it) I make up for the fact that he lives in a 1 parent household 90% of the time. I love my child and from the way he takes 10 steps away from me the turns around and runs back to me with a smile on his face just to give me a huge hug, he loves me too. Nothing anyone can say will change that.

Especially not a so called friend. Someone who I stood up for as my friend when others wrote them off. Someone who also told me I behaved like a child and tried to tear me down for how long. And yet I defended that friend. How stupid was I? Even though I know I am not a Terrible mother to finally know that is what that 'friend' thinks of you, well, it can kind of shatter your world. Someone I trusted, someone I stood by. In a matter of 10 minutes for them to rip you apart and basically not care. For them to throw things in your face ( like that I am morbidly obese and bringing another morbidly obese person into the world, even though my son is perfectly healthy) it makes you mad. Mad about making the choice to let them into your life, to create memories with, to share the down times and even the happy times. I'm mad. I'm mad at myself for being fooled. I should have paid attention earlier. I shouldn't have given you a second chance. But I did and look what happened. You showed your true colors. I was left baffled. Confused at how you can spew out such hateful things. Wondering what the hell is going on in your head. Pissed off that this is what I get for being a friend.

So yes, I do wish everyone was see through and we could know the true person deep inside. I would have loved to know and tried to distance myself. What you said did hurt. It didn't make me doubt my parenting, but it did make me doubt my choices in a friend. And I really want to stand on a rooftop and yell out to everyone what you did and who you are. Not to get close to you because this is how you treat your friends. Tell everyone to not sugar coating things to you and tell you straight up, because lord knows there was no sugarcoating your spewing of all those hateful things. It's like you are 2 different people and I want to warn them of who you really are. But I dont. I just leave it alone. As much as I want to I don't. I don't take the low road and slander your name. I wish I didn't have morals and a conscience, then I could try to hurt you worse then you hurt me. But I won't. I'll vent here and make details vague. I'll put it down so I can get it out. I'll write down my thoughts and feelings on this subject like I do on other subjects.

Then?

Then I'll move on with my life.

I will continue to be happy. I will continue to live a happy life and take care of my amazing child. I will move forward and make new friends, try to salvage some old. I will do what makes me happy. I will spend time with family and true friends. And even though you try to bring me down by saying I'm morbidly obese I will embrace myself and my image and I will continue to lose weight, like I have been even before this incident.

I am loving my life and not letting anything take me down. If depression isn't doing it I won't let you do it either. I will move on. This whole thing will become a long lost memory. I will be fine. And to my true friends, I can't wait to move on and be happy with a of you.