What do I want for Christmas?

Why a Hippopotamus of course!!! Not really, but every time I hear the song (and I hear it often because *I.LOVE.IT.* I always think to myself the same thing at the same line.


Just after the chorus again, the song goes
" mom says a hippo would eat me up, but then
teacher says a hippo is a vegetarian."


My thoughts when I hear that line is - how much does that mom hate that damn teacher.

Now being a mom myself I can totally see me saying oh you can't have a hippo for Christmas it will become vicious and mangle you to death then you won't be able to see or jump rope or live. Because really, getting your kid a hippo for Christmas is probably the stupidest gift you could ever get them, you know, unless you own a zoo. (and I am talking a real live one here.)

But then!! That damn know it all teacher (who of course is good looking, young and skinny. You know the ones men's dreams are made of) just has to speak up and tell your child that a hippo is a vegetarian so now you can't lie to your kid and tell them they will get eaten alive by the stupid hippo.

The same hippo that will be stubborn and not want to move and will park it's ass on the most breakable item it can find in your house. And lets face it, come January 6th this:

"there's lots of room for him, in our two car garage
I'd feed him there and wash him there and give him his masage"

will not happen any more. You will be the one in there every day throwing that oh so adorable hippo it's 3 square meals, hosing the sucker down and cleaning up it's poop. As if you don't have enough shit in your life, you get a hippo's too. And masaging it. HA! Anyone with a husband can tell you how long the promises of a masage last! haha. You will end up with that job too. Next thing you know you are fantasizing all the ways you can off the hippo. If only it moved a little quicker you could just tell your kid it ran away from home and now you can't find it. Put a few signs up and forget about it. Nope! Not going to happen. You're stuck with that damn Hippo from Santa.



Sigh... I'll admit, I'm a little over analytical about pretty much everything. And for that, I'm sorry. But come on... that mom has to be hating her kid's teacher after that comment. And I think about that every time I hear the song.

Oh, and to Austin - No. You will never get a hippo for Christmas. Sorry buddy. How about a hot wheels car instead. Just as much, if not more fun. Just sayin buddy, it could be fun.