oh hello there

just a quick jump in here. Things have been busy. I have a few posts I started and didn't finish saved. Mainly ones about my vacation that turned out not to be at all what I expected, and while extremely sad for the loss of my grandma, extremely grateful that I was there. I don't know. There are a lot of feelings I still need to figure out and put down before finishing that post.

Then there is my fun girls weekend. I haven't even started a blog post about that. I've just barely unpacked from that.

And finishing it off is 1- a certain baby being 6 months, trying food now, and omg! sitting. And 2- Austin's first week of school.

Whew. I've been busy. I know, I know. Every bloggers excuse. I'm at a point where I have all these ideas but no idea how to start to put them down, or the time. This is just to let you know I'm not dead. However it is past midnight so I might die of exhaustion tomorrow if I don't get to bed now.

About a year ago.

It's crazy to think that a year ago today I was busy cleaning, sorting, packing, and repairing our house to get put on the market.

Crazy to think back to that day Dave came to talk to me and said that yet another job fell through. Crazy to think that I was the one who said "well, maybe we need to just go to Alberta."

There were so many emotions. Excitement for a new adventure. Doubt of making the right decision. Sadness to leave the only area I've known for my entire life and our family behind.

I'm not going to lie and say it's been all unicorns and rainbows since we've moved here. We have had a few tough times where we almost threw in the towel. But, we've come out the other side stronger, and we will just keep getting stronger.

And that is all the sappy I'm going to get into tonight.

My house.

Looks like this right now.

It's not pretty. Lots of packing done and a bit more still to do. Unfortunately in that still to do list is my craft stuff. NOT looking forward to packing that up. I know I need to move less then I have, but how do you turn your back on your supplies. haha. ok, I'm being dramatic, but that is going to be a huge daunting task that I'm kind of afraid of.

Tonight I packed up Austin's toys. He was at my mom's so I figured I would take advantage of that time and do his toys. Well, it was a disaster. He came home halfway through the packing. He kept trying to pull his toys out of the boxes and was crying hysterically like I told him he wasn't allowed another toy for the rest of his life. When I tried to move him away he was trying to climb over me to rescue his toys. o.m.g. it just broke my heart. Then, I put him to bed. Even though he was yawning he wasn't going to bed. I could hear him walking around his room (for over an hour and a half) opening the closet and the hood of his car bed checking for his toys, then going to the door and crying. I finally laid him down and sang to him until he fell asleep. I really wish he was old enough to understand what is going on and that he will get his toys back in a few weeks when we're all moved.

Internet Vacation.

I've been on a bit of an internet vacation. I wasn't happy, I was feeling sad a lot over a loss of many friends who have been my support on a chat board I was on for about 5 years. These were people I have checked in with every single day (if possible, I think max I've been away from the board was 5 days and it wasn't very often) for the past 5 years. Now, a lot of them are gone. I was very upset and very confused and angry and insert every other possible emotion. I was addicted to my facebook in hopes that they would just magically re-appear since I know there is no hope of going back to the board (yay perma ban!) I know I know, it's silly to get such an attachment to people on a chat board, but this was more then just a chat board. I had met up with many of the ladies from the board for dinners and we went through celebrating our weddings, and birth of our children and anniversaries and much more together. So, I felt a little lost. I felt like I was alone. I finally gave up on my facebook friends list magically growing again. And I haven't been on since. I just don't feel like going on the internet. Tonight I needed to log in for a different reason to check on a purchase made last week and decided to update at least this.

So, Here I am. I still feel alone. Most days I am still really sad. I am trying though. I am determined to push through this. I need to find another outlet for myself. I need to work on myself. I am going to. It may be hard, but I am going to. I've also been feeling sad because I am missing Austin and Dave a lot. Obviously Dave because he is in Alberta, and I am working nights so I am missing out on a lot of things with Austin. I'm loving my days off where I can read him a story in bed. I love having 'conversations' with him. He's growing like crazy and I am definately missing him. Last weekend we were at Dave's grandparents and I got some awesome shots of the little man.

Can't believe just how big he's getting. *sigh* He's going to be 2 soon. How is that possible? I was ok with 1. It happens, it's a big party, it's another one of his firsts. All along you count your child's age in months. However I started counting Austin's age in stages. "just over a year" "almost a year and a half" "a year and a half" "almost 2 years old" In just 3 short months it's going to be "2 years old" Soooo crazy. I also think I'm a little panicked because I don't know where we will be for his birthday and therefore haven't even started thinking about party details.

Our house has been doing pretty well. It looks amazing and this week we've had a showing almost every day. I'm hoping this results in something. I would really like the house to be one less thing to worry about. Like I've said before that I will definately miss this house, it was our first house and Austin's first house. But, we will be moving on to exciting things and new memories.

Anyways, I am signing off, hopefully I will be keeping this updated a bit more in the next few weeks.

Big Day!

I'm very excited today!!! I have a meeting with our Real Estate Agent about putting the house up for sale. In some ways I'm kind of excited that we're starting a new chapter, but in other ways I'm sad.

We're going to be leaving our families. This is hard. They have all been so helpful and supportive of us. Especially when Dave was gone last year. I appreciate everything they did for us and all the help they provided to me. My family, who I have never lived more then an hour away from, will be here while I am on the other side of Canada. It makes me very sad to think about. I'm going to miss my niece and nephew growing up, I'm going to miss my cousin's graduations from highschool, I'm going to miss movie nights with family. Oh how I will miss them. I'm also going at a very tough time. I want to be here for support. I want to have hugs ready whenever they are needed. I want to be able to provide distractions. I want to be able to hold your hand if you need me to. This is going to be very hard for me to leave, and whenever I really start to think about it I cry. (Like I am right now typing this) Just remember, I am a phone call away whatever time that may be and I wil be there however I can.

I am also sad about selling and leaving our first house. The house we brought our baby boy home to. The house we put so much effort into and turned it into a home, not just a place that needed a paint job, un-painted carpets, non 70's carpet, some love and attention and a basement. I will miss the memory of my first smile from austin, the first time I found him naked in his bed because he figured out how to take off his clothes, the living room floor where he first rolled over, the spot by our entertainment stand where he took his first step, the spot by the end table where he walked to me for the first time. Or, how about his bedroom. All the love and sweat and tears put into making that room so awesome for him, something at the time I figured would last for years, but now hopefully will make some other kid excited. I know we will make memories in our next place, but this was our first house. We bought it together. We signed the paperwork the day before our wedding. It truly was a new life together for us. I am going to make sure we have even more awesome memories in our next house.

On another note, today I am exhausted. Austin got up at 2am and was all about partying and playing until I gave up at 4am. not entirely sure what time he fell back asleep as he was in his room, but I know I am tired. Hopefully I can get a nap at some time today.